The Mother Of All Special Mothers

By Golda Turner

A mother is a very special person. She is her husband’s Aishes Chayil, and is very devoted to her family. She not only gives life to her children, but she is everything to them. She is their caretaker, teacher, cook, housekeeper, nurse, judge, and many other titles, all rolled up into one. She has been given the Heavenly task of molding her husband and her children into the great people that they are destined to be. A mother is the one that holds the keys to the future of Mankind.

A ‘special needs mother’ is a cut above the rest. When Hashem decides to send a ‘special child’ to the world, He, in His infinite wisdom, chooses one of the select few souls whom He has scattered around the Earth to fulfill the unique task of raising that child. These ‘special needs mothers’ have been endowed with the necessary qualities and talents to do what few others can—to successfully raise one of the unique Neshamos that are sent to our world as part of Hashem’s plan for bringing out the best in Humanity.

Just any mother won’t do for this purpose. A ‘special needs mother’ must be very loving and have a heart of gold. She must learn to be emotionally strong, fiercely protective, very determined, and ready to fight for her child’s well being. She must be ready to swim against the strong tide of public opinion, sometimes even against the wishes of her own relatives. She must understand how to balance the needs of her ‘special child’ with the needs of her family and her community, while insuring his acceptance by them.

And most of all, she must be a true granddaughter of Avraham Avinu, who withstood every difficult test that he was given. A ‘special needs mother’ must be steadfast in her Emunah that both she and her child are fulfilling a special roll in the service of their Creator. She must believe in her heart that Hashem is standing by her side at all times, holding her hand and protecting her when the stormy waves of life threaten to overturn her ship and drown everyone inside. For it is the spiritual power of her unsurpassed Emunah that can change the lives of her child, her family, and her community.

You will seldom hear a child say, “When I grow up I want to be the Mommy of a child with special needs. My goal in life is to be able to successfully endure many trials and tribulations, all the while keeping a warm smile on my face.”

Being a ‘special needs mother’ is not a simple task. In addition to the many hats that every mother wears, it also entails becoming a medical specialist with proficiency in many areas, a therapist, a special educator, a psychologist, an office manager, a lawyer, a politician, and many other professions—all without the benefit of years of formal training. It often means running from specialist to specialist, spending days or weeks in hospital settings, stubbornly dealing with ‘the system’ and miles of ‘red tape’, and convincing various professionals that a mother knows her child’s needs best.

All the hosts in heaven praise the woman who lovingly accepts the great responsibility that Hashem has bestowed upon her by entrusting her with one of His ‘special children’. For she has not only accepted the gift of raising one of Hashem’s most precious neshamos, but along with that, she has also received the task of elevating the world through her daily interactions with others. When her faith shines forth, it turns into a great spiritual light that can penetrate the darkness of our material world, making us all into better people.

And what of the woman who is awarded more than one special child in the Heavenly lottery, and accepts it with grace? Though in this material world we may not see it, in the spiritual world, she is truly a queen, who deserves to be crowned with wreaths of glowing gems and sit on a glittering golden throne surrounded by hosts of angels harmoniously singing her praises.

Such a mother was our dear friend and fellow ‘special needs mother’ Mindel Teitelbaum.  

Mindel was a true Aishes Chayil, in every sense of the word. The home that she built with her husband, the Sassover Rebbe, was a warm home of Torah, chesed, and mitzvos. It was a place that every Jew felt welcome. Mindel was a wonderful, caring mother to all her children, imbuing them with love of Hashem, with drive for doing chesed, and with simchas hachayim.

We talk of our nation as being the Chosen People. Mindel was indeed chosen by Hashem to glorify His name by her actions. For Hashem, in His infinite wisdom, gave her one, then another, then another, and then a fourth ‘special child’. And each time, Mindel responded by showering that child with all of the love and devotion that Jewish mothers are renowned for, plus much more. With pure and simple faith, she succeeded in showing the world the greatness of the Jewish spirit when faced with adversity.

In a time that most people institutionalized or gave away their disabled children, she devoted her life to raising her physically and medically involved children at home, as part of the family. She quickly became an expert in all facets of their care, traveled with them to school in Kiryas Joel every day, and even took them—wheelchair, vents, and all -- on family trips! When it came to her precious children, nothing was too difficult for her to do.

To those of us ‘special mothers’ who kept our children home, Mindel was our surrogate mother. She was our queen, the model for us to emulate. We knew that we could turn to her at any time for information and advice on anything from doctors and equipment to therapy and schooling, or anything else that concerned us. She gave us the support that we needed when things got rough. With a few words, she was able to lift our spirits and give us the strength to go on. We knew that by following in her footsteps, we would be giving our children the chance to grow and thrive.

Mindel taught us by example, showing that a family can be ‘normal’ and do ‘normal’ things, even when dealing with physical and medical issues. She was living proof that our children’s disability need not destroy our family’s lives, but will rather enhance it, by making both us and our other children into better people.

When someone is so busy with the responsibilities involved with raising a number of children with special needs, you would think that they would say, “Chesed begins at home…” Not so with Mindel. She was always there to help her fellow ‘special needs mothers’. Many times she offered to care for other people’s ‘special children’ for a few days when the mother needed to go away—even children with complicated medical needs. And she always made it sound like it was really no big deal…

This queen of ‘special needs mothers’, also taught us an appreciation of the strength of a Jewish mother. Nothing could stand in her way when it came to her children. She was like a lioness, ready to fight the world for their sake. She never let anything or anyone stop her from helping her children. Having a close personal connection with Hashem, she knew that He was always at her side, a source of strength for her and her children at all times. Though she endured many tribulations, her strong emunah and radiant spirit always shone through.

In fact, by the shiva for her son Reuvi, she told me, “If I would have been here, I would not have let the Malach Hamaves take him!” And I truly believe that Mindel was such a spiritual giant that she would have been able to save her son from the clutches of the Angel of Death. For when it was the allotted time for Reuvi’s soul to return to heaven, Hashem needed to send her away, as if performing the mitzvah of sheluach hakan.

Yes, Mindel was the paradigm of a true Jewish mother, the mother of all of us ‘special mothers’. The greatness of spirit she endowed to us has been a beacon of light in our darkest hours, our source of strength in the face of adversity. We strive to be her spiritual heirs, to follow in her footsteps as we tread this rocky road on the path to Moshiach’s coming. And we know that she is looking down from her palace in Gan Eden and smiling encouragingly at us, wishing us the same nachas from our children as she has from her own.