Down But Not Out!
By Frimet Roth.
Shared by: F.F.
http://www.jpost.com/Features/InThespotlight/Article.aspx?id=209611
This year brought disheartening news regarding equality for those with disabilities.
A survey of 41 major employers revealed that of all classes of job applicants, they are most reluctant to hire the disabled. This exceeded the negativity they harbored toward two other minorities about which they were polled: Arabs and haredim.
But the picture is not entirely bleak.
Reuven and Shulamit are seeing to that.
This 30-something couple greets us at the door of their second-floor walk-up, a tidy, pleasantly furnished apartment in Jerusalem’s Kiryat Moshe neighborhood.
Reuven wears a crocheted kippa and Shulamit covers her hair with a hat.
The dining room table is set with cold and hot drinks and a bowl of fruit.
Reuven’s mother, Hinda, who has accompanied me, makes the introductions.
The scene, mundane by most measures, is no mean feat for Reuven and Shulamit. Both were born with Down syndrome. While 15 to 20 cognitively impaired couples marry here every year, few of them have Down and, due to the opposition of some rabbis, even fewer are religious.
Reuven and Shulamit were the third such couple when they married 15 months ago. Shulamit’s father, a respected rabbi in the National Religious sector, officiated and 500 guests attended the realization of a dream.
“I had a very strong faith that I would get married,” explains Shulamit. “I just believed that this thing would happen, that I would marry.”
Reuven was just as determined: “From age zero.”
And how has it changed them? “I just feel entirely different,” Shulamit effuses. ”Here’s what I tell everyone: Are you familiar with ‘joy of life’? Well, before I was married I always felt it. But from the moment I was told that I’m engaged, my ‘joy of life’ exploded, burst out, engulfed me. It’s real now. It truly opened up for me.”
“I join her in what she says,” says Reuven. “And I know this is real for me, because I know myself very well,” Shulamit adds.
What about couples with disabilities who face parental opposition? “Okay.
So if it’s no, then no.”
She and Reuven were spared that frustration.
They attended the same summer camp as children, went their separate ways and met again decades later at a bus stop. Several enjoyable dates followed.
And as soon as the relationship grew serious, both sets of parents met to plan a wedding.
Could they set an example for others? “Yes. That’s it. Maybe parents will understand things differently then,” says Shulamit.
We meet at night because they both work full-time. Shulamit’s job is photocopying documents for the teachers at a haredi special education school. The pupils there suffer from ADHD and learning disabilities. ”When, say, they haven’t taken their Ritalin they go wild,” she explains. ”They have emotional problems, spiritual problems, you name it.”
Reuven works at the Education Ministry where he greets visitors and empties the paper bins for recycling. Do they enjoy their work? “Yes, thank God,” Shulamit answers, words that punctuate her conversation often.
Have they ever suffered from rudeness or insensitivity? “Actually, no. At work it would never happen because they love us there,” says Shulamit, “Everywhere we go, they love us. Nothing you can do to change that.” Reuven adds: “Also, because they know us.”
He remembers that when he was young, “there was a boy in school who insulted me... I remember his name –” “Don’t mention names. Better not to tell,” Shulamit interjects. “Right. I won’t,” Reuven agrees.
Shulamit, who finishes work earlier than Reuven, shops for groceries, cleans and cooks three times a week with a counselor, Sari, from the haredi organization Alei Siach. Shulamit lived for 15 years in one of its group apartments for the disabled. The organization also provides the two with weekly sessions of professional couples therapy.