This I Learned from Being Pushed Around

By Carolyn Tobey

Courtesy of Ablenews.com

An assignment for physical therapy students at one University was to spend a day in a wheelchair touring the local mall. The students had been studying rehab from an academic perspective, now they had the opportunity to experience life in a wheelchair first hand. Students reported their surprise at how this experience changed their perspective, and how they noticed that others treated them very differently.

While my experience in my wheelchair wasn’t voluntary, it changed my perspective too. Here are five things I learned from being pushed around.

Grief is inevitable – No one dreams of needing to use a wheelchair. There is nothing sexy or glamorous about this set of wheels. Initially, I couldn’t accept that I needed the assistance of a wheelchair. I borrowed several wheelchairs before I realized I needed to face my new unwanted reality of needing to purchase my own. But by confronting the grief and humbling posture of being seated in a walking crowd, I did learn to embrace it.

My loved ones needed to grieve as well – My husband struggled with me needing a wheelchair more than any other aspect of my disease. It took time and vulnerable talks for us to work through it together but an important realization for me was to appreciate that my partner had his own grief process. My husband had dreams of us going skiing, rock-climbing and other grand adventures. But with me in a wheelchair and him pushing, he couldn’t even hold my hand.

Make the Most of It – Part of moving through grief is embracing a new reality and making the most of it. I learned to make the most of the body I had.

Being in a wheelchair feels submissive, and while I can’t help being in a wheelchair, I could affect my posture and eye contact. I came across the work of Amy Cuddy, a social psychologist who is an expert in the field of nonverbal behavior. Her research states that by making our bodies big and holding ourselves with confidence we not only influence how others see us, but how we see ourselves. By being deliberate in making eye contact, and sitting up as straight as I could, I learned that I had the power to change my hormonal composition. This new-found knowledge inspired me to claim the space I have been given and look people in the eye. I refused to let people disregard me because I was in a wheelchair.

I found ways to travel with the wheelchair – I have been pushed through museums, art galleries, historic homes and Disney World. I even took a trip to Europe where I discovered the line is significantly shorter if you are in a wheelchair. So, I rolled through St. Peter’s Basilica twice, just because I could.

In the end I began to view my wheelchair as my new set of wings – I found that changing how I viewed my wheelchair dramatically changed my experience in it. The dreaded wheelchair went from a sign of handicap, to a sign of resilience, because no matter how much I wanted to hide in bed, I was out enjoying the world.