Many new parents are surprised when Dr. Eliezer Goldstock arrives at their door, toting a bouquet of flowers and saying "mazal tov."

The confusion comes not only because nobody in the house knows Dr. Goldstock, but also because the parents he visits have just given birth to a disabled child, and few have celebrating on their minds.

Chairman of Heart to Heart: The Jewish Academy for Distinguished Children, Dr. Goldstock believes children with special needs have something vital to offer their families: the chance to "come out of ourselves," he said.

Dr. Goldstock is helping to establish a network to support new parents of disabled children all over North America. His goal is to rid parents of their fear in dealing with such children and to convince them that their Jewish children belong in Jewish homes. "Three thousand Jewish babies with special needs are given away each year to non-Jewish parents," he said. "I'm not going to judge anyone. But let me come to you and at least try to help you out."

Dr. Goldstock established the Jewish Academy last year after his fifth child, Sara Mushka, was born with Down's Syndrome. "Don't become attached to her," the pediatrician warned. "Down's Syndrome children always die young."

A psychologist in private practice, Dr. Goldstock refused to accept the pediatrician's advice. Instead, he began searching for a relationship with his child to parallel man's bond with G-d. "What do we ask from G-d?" he said. "We ask understanding, mercy and compassion. This is what a child seeks from its parent--all the more so with distinguished children."

Dr. Goldstock began to contemplate, "What is the neshama (soul) of a special child?" His answer came when he was attending a fund-raising event. A man pointed to a certain guest and asked Dr. Goldstock, "Do you know what he's worth?"

"Yes," Dr. Goldstock responded. "He's worth exactly what my daughter is worth."

Many mothers say they don't think their other children will accept the new baby," says Dr. Goldstock's wife Chana. "Many worry what the neighbors will think. One mother did not go out with her baby for a whole year. She just couldn't stand it if people would stare at her."

"It hasn't been easy," he said of raising his own Down's Syndrome daughter. But Sara Mushka, now 20 months old, is the family's treasure, nonetheless. "She has something to contribute," he says. "And she's drawn us all closer together."

Dr. Goldstock hopes to teach this approach to new parents of children with special needs. He begins by bringing them flowers after their baby is born. "Sometimes they're interested," he said. "Other times, they throw me out. So I leave my card behind. Often, they'll call me later."

His first concern is to discuss causes of the ailment and what expectations parents can have of the child. "When you're armed with information, it dispels all the myths," Dr. Goldstock said. "Without fear, you can do anything."

Information can also mean counselling the parent who insists that his special-needs child is a punishment from G-d or some kind of genetic misfit. "Man was created in the image of G-d," he said. "G-d doesn't make mistakes."

Chana advises other mothers not to make major decisions when they are emotional. Some mothers do in fact decide to keep their children after speaking with Chana. In some cases, a mother may decide to give her infant to a foster home rather than to adoption so she can eventually take her child back if she changes her mind. One mother said that she would never have accepted Chana's recommendations if she had not gone through similar problems.

If parents are not interested in keeping their child, Dr. Goldstock will help direct them to an agency that can place the child in a Jewish home. "We have five families waiting to adopt each child," said Dr. Goldstock.

"We are the tribe of Israel; we should at least take care of our own," he said. "I've seen children in wards. They know they've been abandoned. They feel totally lost in the world.

Based in Monsey, N.Y. Heart to Heart also has branches in Los Angeles and Toronto. Its name, says Dr. Goldstock a Lubavitcher chasid, came to him from the Lubavitcher Rebbe's interpretation of the Torah passage which states that just as one's face is mirrored in the water, so a person's heart is reflected in another person's heart.

"In the mirror, you can see yourself even at a distance," Dr. Goldstock explained. "But to see yourself in the water, you have to come very close. That is the essence of our organization."

The Jewish Academy has two new projects. The first is raising funds to purchase equipment, such as walkers, wheelchairs and pediatric toys, which will be lent at no charge to children with special needs.

The second is to be able to inform any Jew in North America with a disabled child about services available in his area.

For more information about Heart to Heart write to 22 Rita Ave., Monsey, NY 10952 or call (914) 356-6204 or 356-6206