A LETTER FROM ZEIDY
By Rav Aryeh Z. Ginzberg
Courtesy of Mishpacha Magazine
A tribute to Alter Chanoch Henoch Jeger z”l, whose fleeting life left an eternal impact
Dear Chanoch,
Over the past few weeks, I have received—or more accurately, been besieged by—requests to share divrei chizuk from dozens of people who have shared our journey over the two and three-quarter years since you came into our lives.
At first, I resisted doing so. One who has never experienced the loss of a child or grandchild would never understand, and those who did experience such a loss understand perfectly that words cannot express the depth of the loss.
The quintessential man of words, David HaMelech himself, could not find the proper words to express the loss of a child. In Tehillim, Dovid HaMelech laments the loss of his parents in his words: “Ki avi v’imi azavuni, vaHashem yaasfeini—my parents have abandoned me, and Hashem has gathered me in.”. But when he lost the first child conceived with Bas Sheva, he could not express it in words.
Nevertheless, my dear grandson, despite my initial reluctance to do so, as your shloshim is upon us, I’d like to share with you some thoughts that I did not have the opportunity to share with you during your brief journey in this temporal world.
Your short time with us was filled with challenges and difficulties. You were born healthy, but within 24 hours, a terrible, debilitating virus left in its wake a broken body unable to perform most functions necessary for normal life. Your existence from then on hovered somewhere between the physical world and the spiritual one.
It is possible that during this long ordeal, there may have been moments when the feeling of “What’s the point of such an existence?” fleetingly crossed my mind. For that I ask you mechilah. Chazal teach us that life—any type of life, of any length of time—is of such value that it’s impossible for us to comprehend.
Of all gedolei Yisroel who gave you brachos and davened for your recovery, none were more consistent than Maran Rav Chaim Kanievsky shlita and his Rebbetzin z”l. Every time I was zocheh to enter their home, the Rebbitzen would excitedly show me that your name was firmly inscribed on a paper in Rav Chaim’s Tehillim for daily mention. On one occasion, I slipped and expressed the thought of “what’s the point?” to Rav Chaim, and he responded with a passion and animation that I have never witnessed from him before.
He related a story that he had witnessed. An acquaintance of his uncle, the Chazon Ish ztz”l, came to him one morning and asked him, “Rebbe, what should I be mesakein (repair)?” He explained that his wife had recently given birth to a child, a baby girl with many medical issues who would not be able to have a normal life. Since it was obviously a message from Shamayim that he had sinned, he wanted the Chazon Ish to tell him what he should work on.
“You’re looking for a tikun?” the Chazon Ish responded incredulously. “I am trying to understand what is so special about you that you were given the zechus to have such a child, such a holy neshamah!”
“How can a person say (or think) ‘what’s the point?’” continued Rav Chaim. “HaKadosh Baruch Hu chose your family for the great zchus of caring for a holy neshama, brought into This World for reasons that we are not meant to understand.”
When I shared this conversation with Rav Chaim’s brother-in-law, Rav Yitzchok Zilberstein shlita, he offered an additional insight from Rav Chaim.
One Erev Shabbos, a sh’eilah came to Rav Zilberstein from the hospital in Bnei Brak. A woman came in to give birth to a child right before Shabbos. The baby had been diagnosed with a severe lung ailment in utro, and the doctors felt that he would not be able to live more than an hour or two. The question was whether they could be mechallel Shabbos for his birth, considering that he was not expected to live to observe any Shabbosos.
When Rav Yitzchok relayed this sh’eilah to Rav Chaim, the latter responded with uncharacteristic vehemence, “What’s the question?! The Rambam says in Hilchos Teshuvah that if half the world is evil and the other half is good, and there is one neshama in this world that cannot do mitzvos but does not do any aveiros, the entire world is judged l’tov, for good.
“If this neshama come into This World for even one or two hours, it can bring a favorable judgment to the entire world! Should they be mechalel one Shabbos for him? They should be mechalel a hundred Shabbosos for such a neshama.”
And so, my dear grandson, with the difficulties and challenges over the last two and a half years, I never had the clarity of mind to truly thank HaKadosh Baruch Hu for the great zechus that He gave us, for entrusting our family with your precious neshamah.
As is customary, t your levayah we recited the pasuk, “Hashem nassan v’Hashem lakach, yehi Sheim Hashem mevorach.—Hashem gave and Hashem took, may the name of Hashem be blessed.”
Rav Yerucham Levovitz ztz”l explains that when a person loses a loved one, a common reaction is “Why did Hashem take that person away?” That is the wrong question, says Rav Yerucham. The real question is, “Why was the person created in the first place?”
My dear grandson, HaKadosh Baruch Hu’s ways are way beyond our level of understanding. But when we focus on the colossal Kiddush Hashem that your brief life brought about, it seems that your purpose in This World was clear.
And you accomplished your mission.
From the thousands of Sifrei Tehillim completed on your behalf to the tikunim accepted by people all over the world—including complete strangers; from the countless hours of limud Torah in your merit to the weddings of yesomim and yesomos that were funded as a zechus for your refuah; and to the dozens of doctors and nurses who were so inspired by the indescribable mesirus nefesh of your wonderful parents that their perception of frum Yidden has been eternally altered, prompting one of your doctors to confide at the levayah, “Rabbi, your children taught me the true value of a human life.”
We could easily fill a book with stories of Kiddush Hashem through your painfully short but very accomplished life. To be able to say that you are a fulfillment of life’s ultimate accomplishment, “Sh’mosar nafsho al Kedushas Hashem,” is a great nechamah.
My dear grandchild, we are comforted by Chazal’s teaching (Avodah Zarah 3b) that in the fourth hour of each day, HaKadosh Baruch Hu teaches Torah to children. Rashi explains that this refers to children who died when they were young and did not have the opportunity to learn Torah in This World. As someone commented to us, that is the definition of “HaMakon enachem eschem.” We indeed take comfort, knowing that you are in “The Makom,” that place, in the classroom of HaKadosh Baruch Hu, who is teaching you His Torah each and every day.
My dear grandchild, learn it well. If you need assistance, just go to the Rosh Yeshiva of Klal Yisroel, Rav Nosson Tzvi Finkel ztz”l, who recently joined you in Shamayim, and whose whole life was devoted to teaching Torah with love. If you need comfort, for to the grandmother of Klal Yisroel, Rebbitzen Kanievsky z”l, who preceded your entry in the Olam Haemes by a few weeks. Feel comfort in her embrace, the embrace that warmed thousands upon thousands in her years in This World. And find your place next to Rav Alter Chanoch Henoch Leibowitz ztz”l, the late Rosh Yeshiva of Chofetz Chaim, whom you were named for, and next to whom you were laid to rest. No doubt the Rosh Yeshiva will care for you, love you, and teach you Torah, as he did for your great-grandfather, grandfather, and father.
Finally, my dear Chanoch, after sharing how much we valued your life, and how much we learned about our own strengths and abilities because of you, I have one request from you.
Please go to the Kisei HaKavod and recount to HaKadosh Baruch Hu the incredible devotion of your loving parents from your first day in This World until your last. Only you know the extent of that dedication: the hundreds of sleepless nights in the hospital, the many Shabbosos spent with you in the ICU, the constant trips to specialists—never giving up on providing you with the best care and support. Tell HaKadosh Baruch Hu that they passed their test with flying colors.
A friend, Reb Shimmy Bertram, related that Rav Shmuel Berenbaum ztz”l, rosh yeshiva of Mir, asked him, “Shimmy, do you believe in Hashem?”
“Of course I believe,” Shimmy responded.
Rav Shmuel replied, “What did you go through in life that you can be sure that you believe in Hashem?”
Please tell HaKadosh Baruch Hu that your parents went through so much, and their emunah and bitachon is unshakable. Your father’s hesped and your mother’s inner strength has inspired more than a thousand people who participated in your kavod achron, filling them with a deeper understanding of how to be accepting of HaKadosh Baruch Hu’s din.
And ask Him to give them and the whole family the nechama needed for our own avodas hakadosh in this temporal world.
And as we continue to do what we can to bring additional zechuyos to your neshamah from down here, join with all the great gedolei Yisroel and young korbanos we lost in recent months to beg for the geulah sheleimah that we not only want but we so desperately need.