As A Matter of Fact….

Tziri Frank

It’s an undeniable fact.

In this wonderful age of information at your fingertips there is no longer any excuse for someone to claim ignorance on any subject. With the right keyboard, a couple minutes of free time, and the desire to learn - anyone could become well versed in various topics and be prepared to discourse on them at length, should the need ever arise.

Well, I found the time. And I fixed my keyboard. Which in turn means that I can now offer what will probably be my only attempt at any sort of dissertation as I share these valuable facts and figures with you.  

When I typed in “funny facts on disabilities” on the computer I discovered a myriad assortment of bizarre and random pieces of trivia. And thus the next Frankly Speaking was begun!

Did you know that the stape bone is the smallest bone in your body? What do you mean you don’t know where the stape bone is? That’s okay, 99.9% of the population doesn’t either, but that should not stop you from sitting down at your nearest keyboard to find out!

On my recent foray into finding information I also discovered some facts and figures that should not be left unnoticed. Apparently there are some people who have getting paid the big bucks to spend long amounts of time researching important topics. And after millions of dollars these said individuals have come to the realization that humans are the only animals who can chew gum. But, I ask you (and maybe you can discover the answer with a few well aimed keystrokes), has Paskesz ever tried to deliver their Fruity Gum to the animal version of Rockland Kosher? And don’t cows already chew their cud, which seems awfully similar to America’s number seven hobby of chomping noisily on that same little piece of edible rubber?

But I digress, because I really wanted to tell you, (and no one should be left out in the cold) that these same scientists also discovered that humans are the only animals that can throw snowballs. To which I say, “humph!” I appear to be the only human I know who somehow managed to sublease a tree to a very talented squirrel who pays no part of the mortgage and who takes perfect aim at me with whatever is handy each time I attempt to enter my car. And I would be very happy with mere soft snowballs instead of the multitude of doodads that come hurtling my way as I try to get into what consumer reports labeled as the number one vehicle in the year 2000. In truth I have painfully discovered that squirrels are capable of hurtling various objects that can be up to 80% of their body weight at speeds that rival the record set by marathon runners in the 2008 Olympics. And their aim is 100% accurate.

It would be remiss of me not to share one final fact for you to ponder. And that is that some people with too much time on their hands and a very advanced keyboard have apparently come to the conclusion that humans share 50% of their DNA with bananas. Now I am not exactly sure what DNA is and I really don’t want to get sucked into cyberspace to find out, but I do know that 70% of all humans don’t even like bananas, and 100% of all bananas go brown on the way home from the supermarket where you just ran to stock up on gum before all the orangutans bought it out. I have also discovered that squirrels who throw snowballs in trees have a great fondness for banana peels in sealed garbage bags, but since they are already not following the rules of Facts and Figures, I’m not sure we should count them.

So, let’s talk about the real important facts and figures instead.

In an article devoted to the better understanding of people with developmental and physical disabilities, and the families and people that care for them, it is important to find facts and figures that pertain to this unique population. So, I typed in “funny facts on special needs and the disabled”. And my computer threw some banana gum at me. And some facts and figures as well.

Apparently, there are over 750 million people in the world today with some sort of disability. Not that I have personally counted, you understand, but it seems that somewhere someone is making a living using all their fingers and toes.

I also did discover that the typewriter was invented as a private writing apparatus for a member of a royal family who was visually impaired, and the telephone was actually a mistake, but should have been a gadget that Alexander Graham Bell was trying to create that would turn sound into visual symbols for his wife who had a hearing loss. So clearly, one out of every hundred billion people really does know what they are doing when they say, “mess, what mess?”

Actually, it seems as if there are many facts about famous people who overcame great challenges and physical and mental disabilities to accomplish awesome achievements in their lives. The fact that most of them had no intention of doing so at the time should be as important as knowing where the stape bone is. The point is, they are the ones who serve as an inspiration to 100% of the rest of us.

The most well known “different person” is Albert Einstein who was thought to be retarded in school and was unable to speak until he was three. It is unclear whether or not his teachers ever got around to changing his permanent record to accurately reflect what the world thinks of him now, but the odds are a hundred to one that his name crops up at IEP’s and case conferences in his old alma mater with the same level of emotion, “Albert!” Only this time the focus of the feeling is wonder and awe instead of exasperation and frustration. And, the criteria for how to identify academic and mental disabilities have undoubtedly been changed since Einstein attended.

Some of the more wonderful United States presidents also had impediments. George Washington had severe difficulties with spelling and language throughout his life, it’s one of the main reasons he never told a lie – he was afraid to speak and write. Thomas Jefferson was considered hopeless in school, and he was exempted from taking an entrance exam to get into high school, and Woodrow Wilson was a severe dyslexic even in the days before dyslexia was entered into the dictionary. This just goes to show you that anyone really can become president if they hand out enough bananas.

Now all this information is fine and it is good. But it still does not accurately portray some facts and figures that seem more applicable and relevant to those of us who live within the special needs community today. Because, as with everything else in life, when you are part of the developmentally and physically delayed population, the criteria that works for everyone else in the world simply has no place in ours. We need our own facts and figures to relate to.

And so I gave up on the keyboard and went to buy my daily ration of bananas. And right there in the fruit section of my local Pathmark I had an epiphany where I realized that there are some pretty amazing facts and figures that relate specifically to “our world”.

First and foremost I realized, as a mother of a special needs son, that the most important fact and figure I can contribute is that the odds of some medical emergency occurring on a day when I have already committed myself to something are a hundred to one. Any sort of situation where I will have to go tearing off to do save Yossi in some way will surely occur the day of a family simcha or the only opportunity I found for some much needed rest and relaxation at Macy’s weekly One Day Only sale.

Also, when doctors say that there is a less than one percent chance of some random side effect or outcome of a medical or surgical procedure I have come to learn that it is one hundred percent guaranteed to happen.

On a more musical note, it has been proven time and again that music is indeed a universal language that speaks to all people, disabled or otherwise. What I have recently discovered is that singing off key as I attempt to strum a guitar is not any better received by the mentally and physically challenged than it is by the “regular” people.

But there is more. When talking about the special needs population the most outstanding fact and figure should be that the majority of people that inhabit this world are awe inspiring in some way. There are the caregivers who discover new heights as they move mountains for their loved ones, and scale others for themselves. There are the trained professionals who have chosen to devote their lives to a world they need not inhabit, and find fulfillment and contentment there. And there are the volunteers who selflessly donate their time and effort to enhance the life of someone else all the while making it seem as if they are lucky ones to be chosen for such an opportunity. I think it says a lot about our society if the most coveted camp job is to be a counselor for a medically, physically, or mentally challenged youngster. And I think it says even more that they find happy fulfillment in doing so.

Yes, dealing with the special needs of any mentally and physically handicapped person is by all accounts and computations challenging. But in its own “special” way it has its rewards.

And that’s a fact!