Hospital Stays

By Perry Binet

 

We've been down that route many times before with my two little boys. I don’t have a specific list of pointers, but here are some points that come to mind:

  • Prepare the child. Explain what will likely happen and also keep it general too as kids will remember what you said and hold you accountable. Books, toys, pictures can be great. But so is good old fashioned talk, too.
  • Be honest. If your child will get a booboo, I do think it’s better to be honest and say so than to pretend all will be hunky dory and then the child may not trust you as much anymore.
  • If your child has a chronic condition or something that he needs to become comfortable with (Ex: trach, g-tube, ostomy, etc.) you can order a teddy bear with the “same” device/items. This can be sooo helpful, beneficial and therapeutic. Tubiefriends.com has great stuff. We have cute tubie teddy bears that used to come along to every single hospitalization. Often times we would ask the doctor and nurses to check the teddy first and it definitely made my kids more comfortable and at ease.
  • There will be times that we won’t be able to take away the pain and that can be hard for both mom and the child. But if the child knows and feels loved and safe no matter what, that in itself is healing. The reason I’m mentioning it here, is because we got the kids “Totty Mommy loves me pillows” With a picture of each kid with both parents there. Aside for it going along (most of the times) with them if they go away, we’ve always brought it along to hospitalizations. On their own, they put it near them and I think they still feel loved (as they’re possibly being hurt). I believe it’s painful for a child to be hurt and to watch their parents not “save” them… or better yet also hold them down. I’m telling you that this pillow has been a huge lifesaver for us and the kids.
  • Of course their own comfy blankies are a must to have. Or any comfort items.
  • If the kid is younger, bring lots of onesies and pajama pants. Hospital gowns won’t always be sufficient or warm enough! Hospital rooms are cooler.
  • Extra toys either from home or from the playroom is always helpful.
  • Go big on the incentives!!!!!!!! If this is a longer stay with something specific that you know the child will constantly be anxious about, make it fun and something the child will look forward to. For example, when the kids were younger we used to come with stack of stickers, once we came with dozens of finger puppets and each time they met a doctor or got a vial of blood taken, they got one.. so they looked forward to these. And boy did we have finger puppets all over our room. Two hospitalizations ago the kids earned a dollar for each vial of blood. And instead of freaking out 37 times, one kid was thrilled to earn $37… You get the gist.
  • Explore the hospital with your child. Hospitals can be scary but fun and joy can be found there as well. Many have children centers, playrooms, cafeterias. And if you’re lucky enough to go to Cooke Children’s in Texas, you have a Build the Bear too! But ask about what child friendly stuff the hospital has. You may be surprised!
  • If it’s feasible, try to make a trip out of it by going somewhere fun either before or after. Kids will remember how awesome it is to have hospitalizations because we get to go on trips or thank Hashem that they have the disease of xyz because it comes with so much fun, or simply remember the time they were in the hospital and go to go on a trip, too.
  • If trips are not feasible, even a stop in target after can be fun. I laugh when the kids remember the time they got a Blippy toy after a weeklong CHOP visit and talk about those 5 minutes in Target and forget about the week of intensity. Kids do not have a concept of time. Use it to your advantage and even if you can highlight a few fun minutes, you may be surprised that it CAN override the hours of fear and tears. It may not take it away but it’ll make it manageable and give the kids something fun to hold onto. (I laugh when we look at hospital pictures and there are 10 fun pictures of silliness and toys and 1 or none of the kids in bed; and the kids remember the fun that last 2 minutes more than the drama that lasted a week.)
  • Remember that kids pick up your vibe. If you are anxious, they will be too. It’s ok to need some time and to just be human. Sometimes if you pretend to be brave, your child can follow and be brave as well.
  • Take pictures of the fun times! As parents, we do have the power to make things less traumatic for our kids. When they see pictures of silliness, fun, playdough etc and not just gory hospitals, they have positive associations and happy memories.
  • Show your kid how awesome Klal Yisroel is and how much people love them. In the beginning I used to go to the bikur cholim room myself. These days I’ll always make it a point to go with the kids and show them what Yidden do just for them. The heartwarming feelings they have is so priceless. And I know that because they share it with me!!
  • There are so many more tips like keeping the lines of communication open, of course making use of the bikur cholim room, finding out about family service (some hospitals will do your laundry!!, being present for them, even playing one game with them, getting silly with them (like wearing matching hospital socks), being comfy with their disease etc. of course thanking the nurses, etc.....

And for yourself:

  • Enjoy the peace and quiet
  • Bring a charger, snood, extra sets of clothing, comfy slippers, and a good warm cozy blankie
  • I like to bring a lotion and pretend to feel human and awesome-it’s super helpful!
  • And of course, be vigilant!! Be on top of your kids care. Mistakes happen everywhere and no need to be anxious, but keep your eyes open and be on top of what needs to happen
  • Remember that Hashem is in hospital rooms, too

P.S. As I was quickly typing this up, I just called my husband and asked what he would advise:

  • Don’t be afraid to keep advocating for your child and for yourself
  • Make use of child life and ask the nurses to bring them in, get toys. Etc. They can be so helpful!
  • If doing lots of bloodwork, know that there are things available to make things less traumatic (like numbing creams, ultrasound machines, etc.
  • Change things up. Kids going for inpatient stays don’t always have to stay in bed, but the very act of being in bed and/or wearing a hospital gown makes you sometimes feel sick or like a patient. Walk around, get on the couch, go to the playroom, go for a walk, and try to push time in different ways and while making the best out of things
  • Bring good snacks for your kids and you. Also, if your child can eat foods, bring good foods too or make sure there is a bikur cholim room
  • And of course, remember the phone charger

Hatzlacha!